Dispersed

Behold the shattered!
For they have
haughty smiles
magnifying
the absence.
Doomed,
servants
of redemption
flustered
my inner world.
Intangible,
counterfeit rush,
jaded carcass
conquering
the overdue.
So,
I begrudged
your unreachable,
ruffled
and impudent
sadness.
My lips exuded
sore pain.
Oppresive words
convulsed
my obscured
thoughts.
Clotted happiness.
Aggravation.
And you,
you my dear friend,
pose a threat.
Farewell.
Yet, still so alone.

Reflection

I've come to say
people are more like
sparkling candles
than dead souls deceived.
Once they decide
to set a fire
nothing can stop
the undeniable end.
Hope seems to be
more like an illusion
and I'm standing still.
Maybe,
just maybe,
one day
I'll see you smile again.
And..I don't know..
I though I was special
...I was wrong.
I even thought love was pure
but guess what?
I was wrong again.
I'm done.
Goodnight.

Unbearable

Remember that time when we were...in love?
...in the most innocent sense of the phrase...
meh, seems like we didn't make it..
Is it gone? Forever?

...or that morning
when I crawled into your bed
and after a while
when I was laying next to you,
sinking my inner thoughts
and counting your breaths
...I fell asleep...
with my head resting in your hand.

Do you remember the next evening
when I was stroking your head,
touching your hair, your cheeks,
tracing your fragile lips with my finger tips
and you fell asleep?
Can you believe it? You fell asleep...

and I just couldn't leave jet
and leave you there
even though I thought it would be easy.
So, I wrapped my hands around you,
unable to think..
as I was weak, tired and sleepless.
But, for that moment I was truly yours..
unconditionally..
I even thought I would break into tears
flood of tears.

That warmth, love, bliss or whatever it was
made me feel alive all over again.

Do you remember? Can you?
It was our love, our war,
your proof, my loss.

Empty life

That void across her smile,
choking back her tears
sincere as she never was
revealed gladly her fears.

Lies were mocking her
when he was left for good
losing everything she had
nothing left but a bad mood.

The one with bleak visions
chosen to hide the truth
gave up on her
and the long gone youth.

Still wandering what was there
were all too fake,
same old doomed question,
or was she too late?

Long lost bet.

Seems like I proved you wrong, huh?

Yeah, you stranger.

The one who sheltered me 

when words were fading away...

revealing the best of me

every single fucking time I could lift you up

and even the worst of me

whet reality met Cassiopeia

and illusions became part of the truth.

Yet, I was striving to be like you..

with you.

but, you know, never trust 

what's built on nothingness.

And your voice, God your voice,

was more like a hateful lullaby of sirens

echoing whimsically 

across the valley 

of sectrets never told.

I was wrong Cassiopeia..

I was wrong..

Where are you?

Where the fuck are you?

It was my fault..

my failure...

and I want it to stop.

Help me Cassiope.

And I heard that damn song again
as I was walking down the street,
thinking of you,
wishing you were here
walking beside me
with your hand
in my hand.
Yeah, that hunch again
that you're slipping away from me
and I just can't let you dump me.
Not this time.
But words are falling slowly.
Bleak visions
of pictures
never taken.
are coming once again.
When memories are gone
and love turns to void
hallucinations damn themselves to vain.
And I guess,
better if nothing came to be.
Help me Cass,
I'm so sick of all these thoughts.
Let him know
that I care..
and I miss him.

Bad writing.

"I'm on molly, again.", she whispered
"I'm sorry," her continued.
I couldn't even pay attention to her anymore.Her lies were poisoning my faith and I instantly felt like my heart had been ripped out, cut up and put back into pieces. I was there. I'm still there wishing she could for once keep her promises. It wasn't like she didn't believe in herself, no. She was happy. She is happy.
"I just want to belong to someone." said she, while she was laying down to her bed "high".
I was a man and she, for sure, knew how to turn me on.

An-empty-tinkling-fool

She raised her voice and declaimed:
"Liar, put your heart on show."
Though my mind was blown away
with mere sadness, in simple ways
I trembled for what was yet to come.
Being ashamed and confused
I couldn't bring myself to confront her
and so I was, a fool for sure.
And there were my pure words,
my deepest feelings
and my ending, yet, so close.
All of them lost their way
as the crowd below yearned for pain.
And I could hear them muttering
pale words of failure and rage.
And, so I recall what had not yet gone.
But she, yes she,
as narcissistic as one can be
calmed my heart that was burning with inward rage.
Seems now that faith had failed me
and I damn myself to her
as my pain diminishes
though joy is snatched away, too.

Back in time.

I messed up this time, but you know what? Everything will be alright. I'll be fine...You're the one who lost the most valuable thing (I can't describe it as a feeling) I had for you....Understanding!..Oh, and I guess, there's a word called "devotion"...yeah, devotion! Ok, you may not lost me as Cassiopeia or Cassie or whatever makes you feel comfortable with but you'll never get back what once I felt for you 'cause now there's nothing left to fight for...Defeated! That's how I feel now. I trusted you, I lost myself just to see you smile, I even loved you like I never did. I know, nobody's perfect. Me neither. The point is that I'm trying so hard, every single day, to prove that I'm a nice person and...that I deserve kindness and compassion and..love...and someone like you. A psycho perhaps! :p Just kidding! So, here we are! Broken-hearted. Kinda fucked up, huh? I'm not gonna apologise for anything at all. I don't even want you sorry. It's ok! That's how relationships work. We make mistakes, we hurt each other, we feel sorry and guilt and we regret it most of the times, we wish everything were like before but time passes by. God, such a cliche! Uhm, anyway, I got lost in the way I forgot the reason why I started writing. Pathetic, isn't it? Who gives a fuck anyway?...You said so many terrible things against me. I would never talk to you that way...It hurts so much. Your words are like stabs and the pain starts only when you're done. But, I know you love me! Maybe, even more than I do. You just need to find a way to show that you really care. And someday, you'll find out the way. 'Till then, fingers crossed!...I miss you...